Freedom. Love. Balance. Joy.

That voice.  

I spent 30 years of my life not listening to it. It was like a station on the radio I kept passing. From time to time, I would sense a faint whisper, but I couldn’t hear it through the static. I was asleep.  

I lived my life trying to be perfect. I was successful at it. I had a thriving career, won awards, hosted great parties, dated handsome men, and took pride in my jam-packed calendar. I put the shiny parts of life on social media and chased achievement for validation. I kept busy to make myself feel valuable. I was playing a role, putting on a show for the world to see.   

I was burned out. I was unhappy. I was exhausted.  

Then I got engaged. I thought that was what I was supposed to do. I felt the clock ticking and the social pressure mounting. I never stopped to ask myself: is this really what I want right now? That voice inside finally became loud enough and we called off the wedding. I was humiliated. I had never in my life failed like that and never so publicly.   

I learned then: when you disregard your inner voice, you cause pain to both yourself and others.   

That’s when I woke up.   

I began the journey back to myself.   

I found myself in Sedona alone, on the weekend I was supposed to get married. I was digging deeper than I ever had before. Finally tired of the superficial metrics and comparisons I used to measure my entire life, 
I surrendered.  

I did get married that weekend; I married myself instead.   

When I returned home, I set out on a journey of self-exploration. I started to evaluate everything in my life: like cleaning out a closet filled with clothes, I tried things on one by one, figuring out what was genuinely mine and what was not. As I sifted, sorted, and rearranged, I started to find myself and my dreams. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.   

It was also the most beautiful.   

As time went on, the more I risked being myself, the more wonderful my life became.   

Today, I don’t seek approval or someone else to complete me. I’ve thrown out the timeline I had written for my life. I let things unfold. I pursue my passions as an entrepreneur. My relationships are stronger. Half of my belongings have been sold, while the other half moved across the country so I can hike a mountain whenever I want. I have fallen in love with my life because I started saying yes to myself.   

Life is lighter. 

Most importantly, I honor and love myself first.

Only then, can I truly honor and love others.